So, this is going to be a long-shot. I am taking a chance and starting a new blog, only this time it will be different. Why is it different? Well, for one I am what they call an “adult”, although anything else would suggest otherwise. That starts from the laid-back teen-friendly wardrobe all the way to my introvert and submissive demeanor. I guess you could say I am more like a child than an adult. This is something that I’ve really grown to hate. Mostly because people hold me up to my appearances and if they don’t take a chance of me (which they won’t because impressions are always more lasting when someone finds it hard to strike a conversation), then they don’t realize my potential. Or the fact that I’ve grown up and I am not a child anymore.
That is the sole purpose of this blog. I am trying to find my footing in this world. I realize trying to find such footing at 26 (almost 27) may be a little late. But it doesn’t matter. There is a saying that its never too late to start anything. And after much reflection in the past few weeks I have come to realize that I have no idea what person I am. I have no idea where I am going and I don’t particularly like where I’ve been or where I am. Not that I had a terrible life growing up. Or now. At best it was mediocre, with some general happiness until the innocence faded away. Then everything started to slowly fall apart, leaving me only partly complete at any given moment.
I know this is a cliche introduction to a blog from someone who goes by the pseudonym Goth, but make no mistake that my feelings and thoughts are deep and true. Sadly, my mind is constantly shrouded by shadows and questions marks and the spiderwebs and dust resist to take possession of memories and feelings I would much rather quickly forget. But that is not solely my reason to be here. There is more, the occasional rainbows after the rain.
This is my chance to be completely open and honest and try my hardest to remain anonymous. This is an exercise I am putting my self on to dig deeper within my self. A way to get a better look at what makes me, me, and in the way hopefully find a way to make some of my nightmares and doubts subside.
Also, I really like writing. So its not all bad, the only issue is that its been an honestly long time since I’ve honestly written anything. Or at least anything of substance. I think the biggest reason for that is that I’ve been feeling devoid of that drive, or also I think lack of practice could be to blame. Whatever it is, maybe writing a blog will get me back on the writing horse. That is if the horse will let me take a ride.
P.S. Don’t take the name Goth too seriously. It was the best screen name I could come up with on the spot. I am always bad at naming things I am not claiming to be a goth by no means, although I guess at one point in my life I was, but that’s a story for another day.