Frustrations Again

Everywhere I go there seems to be a source of frustration. Whether it is at work where I am frustrated by the way J seems to treat me lately, or at home when I think about B and how he treats me and even when I do get a chance to talk to him. And of course the fact that the other job hasnt called me back yet is really frustrating the hell out of me.
And every single time it starts to build up I hear a little voice in my head screaming at me to stop. It tells me that I must let J be because I havent done anything, therefore whatever it is is her problem.
I cant help it though. At one point in time I used to like coming to work because it was the only place away from home were I could find myself at peace somewhat. And in a way, J was a contributor to that to an extent. We soon became friends and I honestly for a moment felt like she was the only adult that saw me as an equal for once in my life. But I guess what changed was I began to trust her, and with that came some personal openess that may have affected her view of me. I wish sometimes I wasnt so willing to open up to people. I think that is what may have strained my relationship with J and I also heavily think is why B treats me the way he does. If I had never admitted to not having dated previously he wouldn’t have gotten so confident and so he would’ve treated me differently. He would’ve worked harder at trying to impress me.
I guess its just my lack of judgement that finds me in these situations. And my first instinct is always to flee. That’s part of the reason why also I want that new job so badly. Its because the one of the few (very few) things that I have left to like about this job feels like it is falling apart and I cant find myself enjoying as much anymore. As I said before, I think the reason is because, rather than letting her figure things out on her own I told her, and in the process I guess a part of me felt she would care. That she would have some sympathy eventhough she kept telling me she is not a very caring person. I should’ve listened before getting my feelings involved and in the process getting them hurt.
So the moral of the story is dont trust people to take care of your emotions if you dont take care of them first and dont let anybody in too much under the foolish belief that it will automatically make you a friend.


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